Healing the “Good Girl Syndrome”: How People-Pleasing Damages Mental Health

Have you ever thought that your value is connected to being nice, helpful, and always saying yes even when it takes away your inner peace? If that's the case, then you could be battling what some refer to as the “Good Girl Syndrome.” It’s not a medical condition, but it is a pattern that originates at the root of self-denial, perfectionism, and the never-ending drive to please others. Moreover, over the course of years, it can gradually undermine and affect your mental health.

What Is “Good Girl Syndrome” and Why It Matters

Growing up, many of us are subtly taught that to be “good” means being kind, quiet, and always available. When this type of behavior becomes second nature, it often hides insecurity that is more profound and deeper. The need to please others can be caused by insecure attachment styles, one of which is anxious attachment, where the fear of rejection compels us to win love by sacrificing ourselves (Li, 2022; Kuang et al., 2025). Simply put, the need to please others is sometimes an emotional defense mechanism.

Studies have shown that these psychological patterns are not merely behavioral but also affect an individual’s mental well-being. In a validation study of the Chinese People-Pleasing Questionnaire, the presence of people-pleasing traits was found to be a significant factor in anxiety, depression, emotional exhaustion, and poor assertiveness (Kuang et al., 2025). Likewise, sociotropy the character trait that makes a person very concerned about others' acceptance is still connected with both depressive and anxious symptoms (Martínez et al., 2020).

The Mental Toll: Symptoms to Watch For

The following are some typical indicators that your tendency to please others and be the “good girl” is negatively impacting your emotional well-being:

Chronic anxiety and stress You are always afraid of letting others down or of being criticized.

Perfectionism You plan your objectives based on being perfect, thinking that any error indicates that you have disappointed others.

Emotional exhaustion and burnout Trying to please leads to exhausting yourself mentally and emotionally.

Low self-esteem You base your value mainly on how others see you.

Passive anger or resentment The unexpressed annoyances accumulate gradually as you do not demand your rights (JMU Counseling Center, n.d.).

Identity loss You might be feeling like a stranger to yourself, constantly adjusting your emotions or decisions according to others (PsychCentral, 2024).

To say that these issues are only based on individuals’ experiences would be wrong; there is research that validates the claims. For instance, people showing dependent personality traits, who are also similar to sociotropy types, will be more prone to the tendency of being a pleaser and will thus have fewer social contacts if they are in a self-critically depressed state (Deng & Chang, 2019).

Why People-Pleasing Becomes a Trap

To heal, we must understand the reasons. Here are some of the psychological dynamic factors involved:

Attachment insecurity: People with anxious or avoidant attachment can use the means of seeking approval and sacrificing themselves as a way of ensuring intimacy (Simpson & Rholes, 2017; Li, 2022).

Rumination and brooding: A very high level of sociotropy is often correlated with rumination — brooding in particular, which is the subtype of rumination that leads, through vulnerability in relationships, to anxiety or depression (Martínez et al., 2020).

Imbalanced self-regulation: Individuals who too much identify their self-worth with that of others may form a weak and easily breakable self-esteem and have a difficult time with self-trust emotionally (Kuang et al., 2025).

This constant self-sacrifice can take away your power. Without self-boundaries, pleasing others becomes not just a habit but a burden.

Gentle Self-Help: Healing Practices to Try at Home

Healing doesn’t mean becoming selfish; it means coming back to you. Here are nurturing, practical steps:

Build awareness. Begin journaling. Notice when you say “yes” out of fear rather than genuine desire. Name those moments.

Set small boundaries. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations and allow yourself to feel the discomfort. Use “I” statements: “I feel overwhelmed if I take this on.”

Self-affirmation practice. Phrases like “I am worthy of taking care of myself, even when I am not helping everyone” can be repeated. It is not selfish; rather, it is self-respecting.

Rumination challenge. Thoughts that are brooding can be rephrased. (“If I don’t help, they won’t like me”) pause and do the reframing to say: “My worth does not depend on constant approval.”

Secure attachment nurturing. You may want to consider therapy, particularly those practices that embrace the idea of attachment. Overcoming past relational patterns can get rid of the cause of people-pleasing (Shahid, 2024).

Compassionate self-regulation strengthening. Incorporate self-care practices, e.g., gratitude exercises. Research shows that gratitude is associated with better mood and reduced stress (Charanya, 2024).

When to Seek Professional Help

It is perfectly fine, and often beneficial, to seek help. The case of helping others to the point of exhaustion, anxiety, or constant depression qualifies for:

· Talking to a therapist who is an expert in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or schema therapy

· Joining group therapy or support circles where you can practice asserting your needs

· Partnering with a coach or mentor for setting boundaries in both personal and professional life

A Path Forward: Your Gentle Call to Action

Breaking free from the “Good Girl Syndrome” does not mean becoming perfect. It is a matter of starting with tiny, courageous strides. Right now, take a moment to ponder:

What is one situation today when you said “yes” but you wanted to say “no”?

How would it feel to express your boundary, just once, with kindness and clarity?

What supports a friend, a trusted therapist, a journal could help you start rewriting the narrative?

You do deserve to be seen, not just as someone who pleases others but as someone whole, worthy, and free to say, “This is me.”

References

Charanya, U. (2024). Empathic responses, sociotropy and autonomy. World Journal of Advanced Research and Reviews.

Deng, Y., & Chang, E. (2019). Pleasing or withdrawing: Differences between dependent and self-critical depression. Journal of Affective Disorders, 256, 500–506.

Kuang, X., Zhang, Y., Li, Y., & Chen, Z. (2025). The mental health implications of people-pleasing: Psychometric properties and latent profiles of the Chinese People-Pleasing Questionnaire. Psychology and Clinical Health Journal.

Li, X. (2022). How attachment theory can explain people-pleasing behaviors: The role of anxious attachment. Exploratio Journal.

Martínez, R., Fuentes, M., & del Barrio, V. (2020). Sociotropy, autonomy and emotional symptoms in patients with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder: The mediating role of brooding and immature defenses. Frontiers in Psychology.

Shahid, A. (2024). From attachment insecurity to trauma expression. Journal of Behavioral Sciences.

Simpson, J. A., & Rholes, W. S. (2017). Adult attachment, stress, and romantic relationships. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 19–24.

Bieling, P. J., Beck, A. T., & Brown, G. K. (2001). Sociotropy, autonomy, and the interpersonal model of depression. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 25(1), 111–129.

Norman, U. A. (2023). Depressive personality traits and temperament: The interplay of sociotropy and autonomy. Journal of Affective Disorders, 317, 280–288.

VeryWell Mind (2021). The psychology behind people-pleasing: The need to please. VeryWell Mind.

JMU Counseling Center. (n.d.). People pleasing behaviors and mental health. James Madison University.